4 hours ago
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
What is it about the nights that Tyson is gone? Tonight he is at the recording studio. When he is home I feel the need to go to bed at 9pm...feeling exhausted. When he is out late however, I can not get to sleep until he gets home. It is almost 11:30pm, way too late for me. But, I am wide awake thinking of how much I need to go to sleep but not being able to do to it. It is not really a matter of being nervous or scared because I have never been that way. But the house does feel very empty when he is gone. And I find that I am totally drawn to Kai's bedroom. Every night when Tyson is gone I feel this need to risk it all and go look at Kai sleep. I never do this when Tyson is here. But I creep in as quiet as possible knowing I will probably trip or hit something and wake him up...but I can't resist the urge. He is so precious sleeping there, and I just wanted to make sure he is there and okay, I cover him up (again very risky) and make sure his Ogie is near. I stare at him sleeping, half wanting him to wake up so that I can pick him up and rock him...but I know that he is not one to be rocked...to interested in what is happening to rest his head for very long. What a precious sight he is, so peaceful, so precious. How blessed I am to be his mother! I hear a car door...Tyson is home, I already feel myself relaxing...I think I can sleep now.